This place has been abandoned for a long time. Haha. I just found a quicker substitute, facebook notes. However, for today, I woke up with a song repeating itself over and over in my head, even as I slept.

'Search me, O God, Search me and find,

Any way in me, that does not reflect Your purity.

Refine me O God, in the fire of Your gaze,

That I might be holy, in all my ways.."

So many times I forget and turn my attention to other, less worthy things. And each and every time, He calls me back. When you turn your gaze away from God, you cannot help but feel estranged and that nagging feeling that something is missing. Fun can fill your life for awhile, Gossip Girl, sure for a short period, but it never fulfills as being with God can. Idolatry and all the wrong motives can be your obsession for some times, but in the end, nothing brings fulfillment more than God's Words in the bible and simple worship.

I need Him; God. More than anything else, or my existence just blurs into a long series of routine, existing days. To do it all, everything, for anything other than God feels meaningless.

I wonder, what meaning can you find in your life, too? Does it fulfill eternally?

I cannot seem to think of any species of vegetation that symbolize thriving in hard weather (oh ,except cacti which is why, maybe I should change this post to 'Cacti'). Anyhow, the reason why I'm typing this now is because I have concluded that I thrive in stress.Certain types of plants thrive in bad weather i.e. cacti for lack of a better example. I am like that plant. Hmm, I'm starting to realise that likening myself to a plant is not such a good idea somehow. It puts me in a vegetative state of mind (lameness).

Trials are in a nine days and there are still chapters and past year papers left to cover but I am not freaking out just yet. Instead, I think I am enjoying this, surprisingly. It feels good to know and understand the sciences in depth. And although trials are important, this is gearing me up for the REAL exam in May. Time is flying by so fast and I am glad I have so much work to do. It gives me something to do, unlike the two months holiday I had last year. Golly, that was mind-numbingly boring because we had absolutely nothing to accomplish at all, except act like humans.

Today, something happened that made me realise the value of a certain relationship. Someone showed me that by sharing, even without me asking. In a world where competition can be almost murderous (even more crippling because it never happens in the physical sense, only in the emotional and social), this person chose to share with me generously. What was even more heartening was the way he said it; simple, sincere, just honest. I could see it in his eyes and I value that a lot. 

Sometimes, most times, we complicated creatures can learn from the simple-hearted. It is not that these people are simple-minded, no, I am not saying that. But their hearts are. They may not look it, but judging people never got anyone any accolades, after all.

I am glad that there is still evidence of simplicity and good-will in my campus today. I really am thankful for that.

P/s Lame joke of the day: Which room has no walls? Answer: Mushroom (lor) *ahh, my own lameness is disgusting me* ah well.

  No, it is not a real word for sure, for those of you who are wondering. But. For lack of a better word, I shall use it. I feel bimbotic; I have been feeling extremely bimbotic these past few day because it is a rebellion against the nerd world. The world of book, books, and photosynthesis (test on it coming up). Which is why I rebelled and went shopping the whole day today! I know, I know, I'm not supposed to but *shrug* a girl's got to let it go once in a while, right?

SO.

I went perusing through random stores, looking for nice, silk shirts and I got them. In a deep violet and metallic grey. They feel wonderful on the skin. Then... my eye caught thing kind-of-normal dress with odd stitching and a weird cut skirt. It was weird. But I decided to try it on anyway, just for fun. And guess what? It was GORGEOUS. Well, more gorgeous than I expected it to be anyway. So I took some illegal pics. In the dressing room (hehe)

Introducing: The dress that looked weird on the hanger, but does wonders to the body! i.e. it camouflages the flabs hahaha! The white part is satin and the lower part is stretch cotton; quite comfortable, not too tight, not too loose.

Yes, this is what bimbotic girls do whenever they go out shopping and like something but don't want to buy it because of various factors. I would have gotten it if I wasn't doubtful about the quality of the stitching and material. I tested the seams and they seemed really fragile; easily torn apart in the wash. So i did not get it. It was like, RM 80? Not exactly worth the buy if the quality sucked.

But its nice isn't it? Cute, in a classic, chic sort of way. I never thought gathered stitching and an odd A-line skirt would work well together as a whole piece. Perhaps I should pick up tailoring one day. It would be nice to make your own clothes and be really good at it. Then one would not have to scour the malls just to find the perfect knee-length pants (which I did not find though I traversed the entired Sunway Pyramid for it!). When I finally found the pants I wanted in the exact cutting, material and inseam pockets, they were Valentino and cost RM 130! But they were so perfect.

Hmm, how does it look from the front?

This is what it would look like if I had a twin. Scary thought. Haha, cheers, that's all from the bimbotic Elsha today. Now I've got to switch modes back to the Nerd Elsha

Yeah.. that's Nerd Elsha >>>>

She's staring glumly at the wall thinking of all the enzymes present in the Calvin Cycle and wondering why in the world so much work is demanding her attention. But, oh wait! Because she's letting Bimbotic Elsha take over her and physically hinder her from accomplishing anything frutiful! *snaps fingers* That's it!

*Nerd Elsha and Bimbotic Elsha struggles* (Guess which is the Angel and which is the Devil)

Nerd Elsha: Give me back Elsha!!

Bimbotic Elsha: UH, I don't THINK so !*flicks hair*

Nerd Elsha: She has to study and nerd or she will fail her exams and then she'll cry and regret. You evil waylayer!

Bimbotic Elsha: *giggles* But she's having so much fun! Don't be such a party-pooper, Nerd-O! Get over the flipside!

Nerd Elsha: ARGH *roll eyes* Stupid bimbo. Snap out of it. Get serious.

Bimbotic Elsha: *pouts*

TRUE ELSHA WHO CONTROLS BOTH OF THEM: OK OK. STOP THIS NONSENSE. GET BACK TO WORK. *breaks Nerd Elsha's glasses and slaps Bimbotic Elsha*

Moral of the story: Extremism is not good.

One wakes up after ten hours of sleep, feeling lost and needy. What kind of stupid feeling is that to wake up with? One is supposed to be feeling satisfied and happy and rejuvenated after ten hours rest, right?

But I woke up and stared at the ceiling and lay there, not wanting to move; just wanted time to stop. Because there are times I don't want to face reality again. I don't want to be 'strong' and just tell myself, "I'm going to tackle the day" and will myself to just focus all my energy on doing the best that I can. Eventhough at the end of the day, I know it is all worth it and I know why I do it - still, there will be times where you feel that you just want to stop and throw your responsibilities to the wind, and run off to Brazil to party in Rio. Haha!

A meeting with an acquiantance from one of last year's debate made me think yesterday. It made me contemplate the whole idea of relationships again and wonder about that guy, why he was still single, oddly enough, despite his obvious charisma and other attractive attributes. I could only conclude that it was by his choice that he chose to remain single, because there was so much more important things to focus on. i.e. drive to win debates etc.

Sometimes, it makes you wonder if women really do have to have life complicated? What if I had been born male? I wonder what kind of person I would be then? Interesting thought, eh. If one hangs around with guys long enough and observe, one gets an idea of how guys normally act. But then again, I know of some guys who are just...well, unguy-ish. Haha I know it's wrong to categorize male and female this way, but it's undeniable that most women are too emotional and take things too personally right? I guess life would definitely be easier if one took a man's outlook on life, at times. Definitely easier.

Do women really want equality with men sometimes? Or is it easier to just be, well, the typical conventional woman and expect special treatment from men most times, if not all the time, merely because you're a woman? Using your gender to get what you want can't be right. Women accuse the men of not treating them equally, and yet, still want to be treated as special. How's that for contradictory nature.

Defense Of The Ancients = DOTA. And guess what? I never knew that! One resolution I have after A2 exams: Play computer games for a month! Any strategic games would do. Figured i must do that before I lose any chance of ever doing it in med school. (or I could just join more debates i.e. Royals, VC Cup, NHSD =.=)

P/S I miss debate and the adrenaline rush. It's addictive. Though I kinda suck at it, it's still fun. And I bet it'll be satisfying to beat your really good male opponents. Food for thought: Men are so much more logical than women sometimes, in terms of linking points of logic and structuring things. Do you agree? I don't.

This song flashes back to the time Jesus was crucified and sees it from the angle of the child of one of Jesus' disciples. A memoir of 2008 I will not post up because I think my blog holds most of the records of last year. But this is how I will start 2009. By remembering why I live and why He died.